Why It's Great to Be a Jew

I was reading my friend Hustlr's blog (check out the link on the right) and was inspired to write a little bit on why it is great to be a Jew.

Every holiday involves drinking and eating. There is even one where everyone HAS to get smashed!

We are 10-25% funnier than the general populace. I'm sorry, but it is true. Proof: Mel Brooks

Our only eating restriction is no pork and shellfish and most of us ignore that anyways. At least the shellfish part.

Channukah is 8 days, Christmas is 1. Plus Channukah is all about kicking Roman Ass. We need a Macabee Video Game!

We have to only fast for one day, unlike the month that Muslims have to do for Ramadan. Not to knock any Muslims, but this seems like a plus to me.

Unlike the whole 40 days of Lent, we only have to give up bread and bread-like products for a week and we get delicious substitutes (mmm...Matzah and Horse Radish)

Everyone is bound by international law to feel sorry for us because of the Holocaust. Acting like a douchebag? Blame it on the Holocaust! Turning into a userer? Blame it on the Holocaust. Plus we get the ultimate revenge in there being so many books, movies and video games that involve killing Nazis. I am sure that there have been more 'Virtual Nazis' killed than Jews in the Holocaust.

We are like cocroaches. You can't kill us though you can keep our numbers down. We are one of the longest (if not THE longest) surviving culture on the planet.

We get less points taken off for unattractiveness just because we are Jewish, some of the more rare male specimens to be found.


To be fair, I will post some of the downsides:

Some people irrationally hate Jews.

Jews control Hollywood, and with all of the crap that comes out these days, it is mostly our fault.

We are bad at sports. Watching Jews play basketball is, on the whole, like watching a badger do ballroom dancing.

Stuck up Jews are annoying. Very annoying.

Jewish Princesses are worse.

The allergies kill. Want to know why there are not a lot of Jews in the midwest? It's all the damn flowers and fresh air.

We go senile at earlier ages. It's true. I sometimes have to post on this blog just to see what day it is.

We are either great drivers or horrible drivers, with a majority on the horrible side.


Ok, hope I didn't offend too many people. Remember, this is all tongue-in cheek.