Well, it happened.

I've put off making this post for a while, but I should come clean.

I went broke. There, I said it. I've been on a negative downswing since May. Some of it was my fault when I should have quit a game, but instead played stuck. In fact, it all started when I sat down at the 50/100 game at Doyle's Room, which lead me to the 10/20 NL game where I lost a $4500 pot in a 99 v. 88 on a 987 board. Guess what the river is.

I've looked at the numbers, I have been running bad. My AA has had a 65% winning percentage since May. And I have similar numbers across the board. I think that extended negative variance leads to tilt in my play, so in essence one bad thing leads to another. And when I can't shake off the negative variance, I just go through my bankroll.

Of course, expenses don't help much. I've been paying off a TON of bills and with rent and cost of living, my reserves get depleted fairly quickly.

So there you have it. I am rebuilding. I'm owed a few thousand by various people and it's time to collect and hopefully I can get one of my friends to stake me in a medium stakes game so that I can get back on my feet. This is why, as much as I love poker, it's not what I want to do with my life. It will always be a passion, but it is also always a hobby. I think that I am really good at poker. I think that I do have the special 'something' that seperates me from the rest of the pack.

But I am no Addonis.

For public record, here is what I feel are my biggest holes, besides the whole "negative variance leads to tilt" thing.

1. Lack of concentration in Online games. I really just don't focus as much as I do, unless I am playing SH. I think that my tournament game has improved, but I need to focus on the players more in the early rounds so that I can make better decisions to grab that chip lead.

2. Loose play. Sometimes I tend to play a lot looser than I should at a table. I'll call raises on the button with random hands, sure that I can out play people. What I don't realize is that this is a futile play against people with which a straightforward strategy works. This especially happens when I am the big stack and I misplay it.

3. Stop Loss. I need to have a stop loss for the day because a lot of my downswing could have been avoided if I just went 'Ok, you just lost 3 buy-ins. Call it a day."

I still intend to post here (I have some interesting ideas floating around) and I expect to be back on the ball before the year is over.

To end on an up note: I am still up for the year. I have been able to support myself well these last 7 months and overall, I have no regrets. I am not going to look on the past and go 'Damn, I should have done x/y/z', but instead I am going to look towards the future while keeping the mistakes of my past fresh in mind.

I hate, HATE OMAHA

You know what the worst feeling in the world is? It's constantly missing all of your draws in Omaha. I have been struggling at the Omaha tables this last week hard and I look at my play and it's good. Better than good, it's great.

And there are such Donkey's in PL Omaha it's crazy. It seems that ever body MUST call pot sized bets with just a flush draw. It's the cardinal fucking rule. I have been in such a downswing these last few months (and my bills aren't helping) that it's starting to really get on my nerves. I have a goal for the end of the month and if I don't make it, I will be very pissed.

Aahhh, it feels good to vent.

Marching On

Well, this week I started the final stretch towards graduating from UC Berkeley with a Political Science degree.

It's nice to working towards a worthwhile goal.

Happy 4th!

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy 4th of July! If you don't live in the U.S. or just don't care, then may your football team kick ass (it's the only international greeting I know).